Happiness
by SharpCookies
Summary: Because she was always there, his happiness was always there... and he was scared. One-sided KaoHaru, 'Words Colour' Challenge issued by Jazyhra on SHINE.


What you are witnessing is not a joke.

Yes, after many months... I have FINALLY written a fully finished fanfiction. HURRAY!

This is the 'Colour Words Challenge' issued by Jazyhra on SHINE, aaaaaaaand I used the color Yellow and the word Happiness! I know what you're thinking; KaoHaru? Happiness? Perish the thought! But, I assure you there will be a weird sort of angst in the story for all of you whom just don't like happy endings.

Around the end, the story is set in the Chapter 50-52 era, but the rest has no specific time period. As well, this is for Unpredicted Love, the KaoHaru fanclub I manage back on SHINE. THIS IS FOR YOU GUYS!

(Oh, and... this may be a bit rusty. Excuse it if you can, because it's been such a long time since I've completely written a fanfiction, I may have become sort of bad and need to loosen up or something. I hope you enjoy this!)

--

_Happiness_

It's strange how one girl can affect the very emotion he feels at any given moment, he once thinks.

It was during class and, obviously not paying attention to what the teacher was saying, his eyes glanced towards his brother who had an identical distant stare. That, he knew, meant that he probably didn't even notice his stare. He shrugged to himself and instead of waiting for Hikaru to notice that he himself wanted to fight the boredom with him (which was unlikely to happen), his hopes set on the third member of their trio, Haruhi; maybe she would notice him and give him the stimulation he so desired.

This hope was even more futile than getting Hikaru's attention during a lecture. Unlike the look of boredom that was on his face, a gaze of interest was on hers instead. Not that it was completely a surprise.

He inwardly chuckled to himself. Even if he hadn't looked directly at her face, he could have known that she was fascinated by whatever the teacher was saying; the brunette had a tendency to nibble at the end of her pencil during a time like this, leaning in closely as if she were preparing to see or hear something incredible. Her focus would always be intact, no matter what, when she was truly interested in what someone was saying. And even her eyes would sparkle and she would play around with her short brown hair…

A warm feeling washed over him while watching her, causing him to sigh.

It was then that he realized what control he had over her.

In the littlest things she did, she made him take notice and pay attention. With the smaller things she said, she made him laugh out loud and made him want to hold her in his arms. With everything she had ever done or said, she made him… happy.

This was truly a surprise when he realized this. This girl, with everything she did, made him happy. But this also scared him, because… this meant that he really _cared._

He _cared _whenever she was interested in something, in hopes that he could use that thing to make her smile.

(A few days after finding out she liked crabs, he ordered 50 pounds of the best crabs he could buy and delivered them to her house.)

He _cared _whenever she was irritated, or scared, so he would know never to do those things in her presence.

(_When he learned that Haruhi was afraid of thunder, he vowed to himself never to mention it, knowing it would freak her out_.)

He _cared _whenever a boy was interested in her, though hidden well, because he would feel that maybe there'd be something in him that she liked that he might never have.

(_Anger swelled up inside him when she was enjoying the time she spent with her old friend, who seemed to have nothing special to offer, though he made sure no one would notice._)

In short, he was caring too much. And this never happened before; never like this. Never like it was happening now.

He wondered if this sort of thing could be put in reverse; maybe he could make sure his feelings would cease from growing so eventually they wouldn't be there anymore. But soon he realized he didn't want to. Deep down, anyway. And that scared him even more.

He didn't want it to stop because the happiness he felt was _real_. He couldn't remember a time where he felt such raw emotion come to him like that, not even with the Host Club being it's nuttiest.

He did want it do stop because he didn't want someone to have such control over him. It was a scary thing, authority. And since Hitachiins and authority never mixed well, it was not something he _completely_ wanted. But he still wanted it.

One night, he drew a chart of how this all started, and it had a familiar feel like in a little jingle all children knew; _first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage._

His chart went more along the lines like this;

_First comes respect, then comes friendship, then comes happiness, then comes…love?_

Love… Whenever he read that word to himself, it sounded more surreal each time. It sounded so… serious. So permanent. But was it true…? He wasn't sure. He cared for her, that much he was sure. But love…? He wasn't sure if he was ready for that reality.

His attention kept switching to her whenever it could. His playful hugs were becoming less playful and more serious, at least to him. He was starting to get more scared because even Haruhi was noticing this, and whenever she looked back at him he had to turn away, embarrassed. He frowned to himself when this happened; Haruhi was the last person who should notice this. She was one of the last people he wanted to notice.

He wouldn't have survived if she knew. Because if she did notice… it may have ended everything. Every curious glance she sends to him, every raised eyebrow and confused expression could lead to her figuring it out. She may have been oblivious, but nothing could fool her for _too_ long.

But, he was happy. He was confused and scared, sure, but happy all the same. Because no matter what went on in his head, no matter how screwed up his feelings for her were, she was always there. She never left.

She was always in his homeroom at 8:45 AM sharp, getting a start at whatever work they would do that day.

She was always following he and his twins crazy schemes throughout the day, no matter how reluctant she was to do so.

She was always at the Host Club, charming the ladies with her boyish, natural charm while wearing whatever costume they threw on her that made her look cute, but protected her identity as a boy.

She was always with her Host Club family and was involved in all the insane adventures they had, all together.

She was always there, so his happiness was always there.

_But Hikaru wasn't always happy…_

He has figured that, recently, Hikaru has begun to catch on. Despite his efforts to suggest otherwise, that he only saw her as a friend and nothing more, Hikaru had a certain look about him whenever he caught him gazing at her for a little longer than he should've. They even fought because of their feelings for her. They never fought until that moment; there was never an important enough reason to fight about until then.

But still, Haruhi was there; even though she was sad and confused about their fighting, she stayed by them…

Kaoru's happiness stayed alive in her.

She was always there. He was so happy she was… because he knew she would always be there. He knew that he would always have happiness.

_For now_, he concluded, as he kissed her cheek readying himself for the confession he was about to give her, readying himself to **give her up**, _I can deal with only happiness, as long as she's always there to give me it._

_Fin._


End file.
